and perhaps that is all that matters
We breathe, we bleed,
We hurt, we divert,
Our attentions to the mundane
To distract from the question
of the how, the why, the when.

Come come, another year has gone
Come come, see what you have brought around
Wrought upon this world, your world
These plains of gold, of myrrh and of bold
Seeking fame, fortune, and rectitude
Or not,
As goals not often in alignments fall
Casting us as wanderers upon its beck and call
Journeying like vagabounds through these halls
These open plains, maybe, hedgebound mazes
A maze, amaze the mind in complexity about
To unfold, perhaps leading onwards, towards
Some fantastic ending
So strike a toast, call for a roast,
To happy endings
Winter's ending
So turn up the heat, for flames' burning
Round and round, we go, entreating
Never retreating, though if forward
Was backward, would it not be so?
The end then is not an end, but
Should it be a beginning, a distinction of such...
Brevity
So fleeting, is the start of things, that perhaps
They are no such thing, but
A break point
Assigned at random, by an overwhelmed
Journeyman, oh, do you see?
Your path is neverending? What you seek
Never to appear, as long as the question remains
Unclear, undefined, and you cast about
Round and round, life unresolved
Winters end, but beginnings are few and far to be found
When their foundations are questionably potentially profound
----------

I need to incorporate within my self-schedule time for creative releases. To be perfectly honest, that is the most likely reason as to why I feel so antsy all the time and cannot seem to calm down. Unfortunately there just always seems to be too much to do, too much sacrifice. Who am I? What am I? The questions are welling up again. This semester I am taking all quantitative classes. I had forgotten that one of the nice things about certain humanities courses was that it keeps part of that part of my mind occupied. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I feel preoccupied, unresolved, an unsolved mystery.

Well, we'll see, but here is one goal. At least two separate updates per week (meaning that multiple uploads on a single day only counts as one, unless there are a lot of uploads). If not then either a lengthy poem or an outlined song. I don't like that I am setting creative goals for myself, but I don't/I can't be myself unless I allow myself to create, but I also cannot afford to allow myself to dwell within that state. A state of constant creativity. I wonder what that would be like.

Mistletoe.
Hanging above the door
By nature, a parasite
In literature, an auspicious site
For romance, warmth, and holiday delights
Yet in truth, which story holds the floor
The original intent or the well-rounded lore
Of Chrismastime amore and more.

I meant to have a more happy poem for the holidays, but hey, at least its properly themed?

I would write something more, but today is not an output day. So Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I wish everyone a very Happy Holiday.

Actually, this entry is just going to be on NaNoWriMo and less so on the emotionally crippled. Though a basic question comes to mind. How would one who is such know they are such? Would the realization make the instability greater or lead the subject to greener pastures, onto stable grounds?

Since I currently have no time to do as much personal inquiries for some time, I'll just leave this here as a reminder to take it back up again in December.

So onto the second half of the subject line. NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month and I have decided to participate! I am really excited about this project, though I fear it may take over my life on several levels. I have not really been here for some time (to be more precise, just a little under two months). For the last two months I have been fairly exhausted working on the voter registration effort at my school and now that that has finally come to a close and I could take a breather, I am jumping immediately into this month long... adventure.

For the few people I actually correspond with through deviantart, I'll be back in December...

... for so many reasons.

Going on retreat with my choir to the Marin Headlands this weekend, to be exact immediately after my lab ends today. Really, I don't think I could live without music. I think I feel more relaxed and I allow myself to be the most true to myself when I am doing music.

I have been feeling happy lately. At the same time it frightens me a bit, because to be also implicates a "to not be." I hope I won't have to deal with that eventuality, but I can't help feeling withdrawn and cautious as if it could slip away at any time. On the down side, my efficiency and efficacy this semester still has not been recovered from my summer hiatus from my academics and seeing as I have two midterms and a paper for next week, this need to be remedied... now.